Ebook On its Way

Hey Everyone, although the blog has slowed down some of its entries, hold on tight and stay tuned because a book is on the way that is sure to transcend all of the blog posts thus far. If you follow the blog, I’ll be sure to send you a preview of the Ebook.

 

Thanks A Lot For Reading.

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State Of Emergency – The Inconveient Truth Of The African American Family

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Image A Pertinent concern right now in America is how poisonous having kids has become to continuance of the family structure and development of children. Growing up, I had a model relationship, my grandparents. My grandparents had been married since the early 1950s and really showed us what love was all about. I was able to see what soul mates were like, I saw how they cared for one another, would not go anywhere without one another, and how they were so respected and revered not only in our family, but they are role models in their church and community. They provide inspiration for young people today. If you were born before the year 2000, you probably have grandparents that were born in the 1950s or before. This is great, many of our grandparents during this era didn’t divorce as frequently as we do today, and our grandparents are the rock of the family. One of the things we must remember though, is although our family structure was more in-tact than today, education wasn’t as essential to live a comfortable life. Speaking from my own family structure, education was not a huge priority. It wasn’t as if my grandparents really didn’t want to go, but most likely their parents(In Arkansas) never stressed it because it was segregated, discriminated, and it wasn’t required because of the prevalence of blue-collar jobs. My grandparents not really stressing education, didn’t really parlay that to their children. So my aunts, uncles, and fathers weren’t really concerned about education. As my grandparents children developed, my dad was the only one to go to college, which was an independent venture. Meanwhile, my aunts, were able to obtain solid jobs and live a comfortable lifestyle. Although they had children early, everything was fine.
     But as my Aunt’s children grew up in the 80s, we were entering the emergence of Hip-hop, infidelity and sexuality became more romanticized and public as time went on, and education was more of a priority to live a decent lifestyle. If we fast forward the clock to 2012, we must reverse the roles of how we approach life. My generation and future generations will not be able to live like my grandparents and aunts did. Why? A few reasons:
1. Economic Globalization – moves and outsources traditional blue and white collar jobs overseas.
2. A bachelor degree is essential to get a decent job for most people.
3. Music, TV  Movies, has perpetuated more erotic images publicly accessible to children, so we live in a day where lust is precipitating and love is seemingly evaporating.
4. Social Networking and the internet wasn’t there for my grandparents and aunts during their development. Social Networking and internet allow pornographic images become accessible for people at any time.
5. The last and most important reasons, we do not have our traditional family structure.
What is starting to happen is, Kids are essentially having kids without a career foundation. Remember back in the day, working for the post office was fine and you could have a decent living. Gas prices weren’t as high, food wasn’t as expensive and the cost of living was really inexpensive. But nowadays, its the complete opposite, in order to raise a child in an effective manner, its better to have a college education and some sort of career making >30,000.
When reflecting on my own family is that many of my cousins are having kids with:
A. Guys that they are infatuated with
B. Aren’t career sound
C. without a college education, their lifestyle is: Work,club,eat,sleep, and really the only excitement that comes is when they find a man. The problem with this is that many people tend to attract people of their similar economic status.
D. Most of the time, the relationship isn’t grounded on friendship, and guys leave, or they separate, and now mom is left by themselves with children.
E. Children are taken care of by grandparents.
The problem with this?
A. Generationally speaking with successful marriage rates decreasing, we are starting to have less and less models to draw upon in our community to show us what a relationship is like, how we should go about screening a potential mate, and chivalry/courtship is deteriorating because of the constant media and peer messages we receive.
B. Singleness is increasing because, many successful men and women aren’t getting married because its hard to find equally yoked individuals.
C. Kids are having kids at young ages, but the hugest problem with this is that, since our parents didn’t value education, many of us don’t value education, so many of us don’t know how to raise our children to value education. Especially for African America, Part of the Inferiority complex that Tom Burrell mentions in his book in Brainwashed is that we expect our children to fail, we actually are happy with a D-. This is unacceptable. And in a country where Bachelor degrees are losing effectiveness, it is pertinent that we start stressing the importance of education.
D. When mom and dad are working, kids are home a lot unattended to. Many kids get Facebook and fall into the social networking hole. Where kids are fed media messages, that really influence their behavior.
What ultimately happens?
It creates a cycle, not only does it create a cycle of family struggle, but we also are killing family trees and regressing educationally.
So what must we do.
2 Things:
We must educate one another about the importance of education
We must strive to become the change we want to see. We must be the models in our lives and relationships. When we do this, we can have our relationships serve as a testimony.
When we do this, we can improve the status of individuals in the country.

Personal Confessions: Liking the Idea of the person more than the person.

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Growing up, I remember that I kind a type of girl. She usually was pretty tall, a lighter tone of brown skin, and a gorgeous smile. Anytime I saw a girl like this, I kinda automatically liked her. As time progressed I engraved in my head a preferred type of woman I would want physically. Once, in college, I fused this idea with just a woman who was really a lady. I liked women who were sweet yet passionate, soft yet assertive. I really liked the southern bells, the “ol’ school” young ladies. These women all seemed like keepers. They were smart, gorgeous, articulate, carried themselves well, and you knew that they didn’t fall for any guys trick, these women were gems. Over time, I would instantly just talk to women like this as soon as I saw that she had promising potential in her life, strong morals, intelligence, and beauty. I really didn’t need to know to much, I just wanted one of these ‘gems’ for myself. Considering myself a gentleman, I couldn’t figure out how after giving my best effort I would always fall short of attracting a woman of this stature. I had to ask, is it that Im just not as skilled socially conversing with women? does she have a boyfriend she isn’t telling me about? I rose all of these questions because I saw myself as the man these women describe they want. So what was the problem????

Many of these girls would even compliment me saying, I wish more guys were like you. I went through a cycle of trying to find a “wifey”, and then one day it clicked. I liked the idea of the person more than I liked the person. I liked the idea of having this sort of trophy girlfriend with potential, beauty, and ladyllike attributes that I could brag about, show off, and claim as my own. I placed this idea deep into my searching criteria for a woman. This was a problem because when interacting with women, I would just get so excited as I saw observed and told traits that I deemed as awesome rather than liking her for who she was. While talking to these women, I had no interest in being their friend, I just wanted to be their man. When and how did I see the change? It was when I met a woman who I just clicked with from day one. Although she was an ideal woman, I was just so fascinated with her character that I just wanted to learn more about who she was. I sought to build a friendship with her and I was happy if she wasn’t my girlfriend, I just thought she was an awesome girl. With this experience I learned a valuable lesson:
ALTHOUGH THAT GUY OR GIRL IS AWESOME, NOT EVERYONE IS FOR YOU.
This was the tough lesson. Being able to see an ideal girl and see that she wasn’t for me. I had to remember, we are all looking for that one person. One person who places joy in our spirit when we are around them. Although I saw many women who were awesome, I learned that trying to build a relationship out of a woman who was just an acquaintence never worked. Matter of fact, it would often be so random. My friends and I would talk about different girls around campus and name all the top women. We would then say yeah man shes a great girl, I think I’m going to try and talk to her. The problem with this was that upon meeting these girls we never connected and didn’t have chemistry, so what made me think I could suddenly attract her? Not only did I feel deep down in my heart that these women weren’t for me, but while talking to them I just was whatever about the whole process. A woman that puts my soul and heart on fire for I tend to enjoy the pursuit, because somewhere deep down, I know that she may be the one. Our gut really will tell us the truth. It will tell us if we truly are attracted to someone, and why we are attracted to them. We have to be real with ourselves and discern whether or not this one is for me. With this, we can save ourselves a lot of time, money, and energy.  Next time you say you like someone, just ask yourself, do I like the idea of who this person is, or do I really like them because of the chemistry and connection I’ve had with them.
Thanks again,
Till next time!

The First Test Of A Woman

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The first test for girls is whether or not you are man enough to come up to them.

Think about something for me right now guys, what separates the guys who are extremely successful with women from those who arent? Like, when we go out to the mall, club, campus yard, most guys are going to be equally groomed especially the more formal the setting. So what really separates guys that get aesthetically great looking ladies? I believe half of the battle is in passing the first test of women.
The first test of women is this, are you man enough to come and talk to me. If we cannot go up to a woman, we essentially are not man enough for her. But, its not only going up to her, but going up to her confidently and respectfully.  Going up to a woman confidently and respectfully increase our chance of attracting a woman exponetially. Going up to her communicates, “Hey, who does this guy think he is, he is just going to come all the way over here and talk to me?” women aren’t expecting a gentleman to come over and assertively strike a conversation  Many guys just look at women as eye candy and hope to luckily get her through just bumping into her, but a real guy will just go over to her and express his interest. Just telling her

Check Yo Self Before You Wreck Yo Self

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Check Yo Self Before You Wreck Yo Self because those lames are bad for your health.
Tired of emotional wrecks?
Tired of Relationship Wrecks? Thats okay because today I encourage you to do what Ice Cube said and Check Our Self. Once We have a reality check of who we are, what we stand for, and not fall for people who don’t deserve us, we can begin to follow the compass of destiny that will lead us into relationship that is filled with milk and honey. So before Checking anyone else out,  first Check yo self before you wreck yourself because lames are bad for your health.

 

Turning on The Screen – Screening Questions to evaluate potential mates

First Date

 

Questions drive compatibility and a great way to find compatibility is to ask situational and personality questions.  Below are some Good questions to ask before you get serious with someone.

1 what is your idea of a relationship
2.do you want to have kids
3 are you messy or clean
4 are you christian/ what do you believe in
5 do you want to move in before marriage
6 What role does your friends play in your decision making process.
7 Would you mind having sex before marriage
8 What do you feel about kissing?
9 Would you be willing to be in a long distance relationship?
10 Would you want to meet my family and friends
11 What is your idea of couring/courtship
12 What would you  like in a wife/husband
13 When would you ideally want kids?
14 do you like to travel?
15 Would you be open to moving or relocating
16 Do you have a church home
17 Are you willing to give someone a second chance if they cheat.
18 Are you really attention seeking
19 What do you for fun
20 Are you closer to your mother or father/ what roles did your mother and father have on your development.
21 What kind of music do you like.
22 What are your goals in the next 5 years
23 What is your idea of a soul mate/does that existr
24 Do you believe two people can equally like each other at the same time
25 What have you learned from your prior relationships that makes you confident in moving forward with new ones.
26 Do you believe in planned parenthood
27 What are your views on abortion
28 Are you emotionally available/ do you feel that you are over any of your ex’s
29 Are you talking to anyone else, seriously?
30 What are you views on infidelity, is it wrong?
31 Do you believe in traditional gender roles
32 What is your definition of love
33 Have you ever been in love
34 have you ever been brokenhearted/ has that changed your view on relationships
35 When you enter a relationship at this stage in your life, are you open to the idea of that boyfriend/girlfriend potentially becoming your mate. marriage.
36 How is love shown?
37 Are you willing to sacrifice your dreams for the sake of your partners?
38 Who inspires you/Who is your mentor?
39 Do you smoke or drink?
40 Have you had any addictions to drinking or smoking?
41 Have you ever suffered from abuse./
42 Do you believe Love has Time
43 do you build chemistry with someone on a emotional level or physical level.
44 How do you feel about spending a lot of time with friends?
45 When married, do you believe they should be on birth control/contraceptives\
46 Should you get tested before marriage.
47. Would you be open to having family members live with you?
48. Do you have any trust issues with men/women from experiences in the past.
49. Do you trust your partner or do you feel like you need access to their social network accounts
50. What are your dreams
Take all of these questions and first answer them for yourself. After you develop your personal point of view begin to ask some of these questions, not all at once however. Also, it is important to note that you want to use your own language and ask these questions in an appropriate context when you ask them.
Hope this helps,
till next time.

Having False Hope on a Deferred Relationship

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This week, I would like to talk to those who are in a relationship and your partner just isn’t reciprocating the way they use to. This can be seen through verbal or physical detachment, or sometimes this can be seen when a person is adamant about not coming closer to you. We sometimes will even excuse this behavior as, “they are just busy” or, “They are just having a bad week”. We also can miss subtle hints to see that there may be something deeper going on with them. Often times we do not want to believe the inevitable, that they are not interested as they once were. In a depressed, sad state, we draw upon past joyful experiences to validate the future and potential in the relationship even if the present is in turmoil. Basically, we draw upon our past to keep a firm grip on the hope we have in the future. 1 Corinthians 13:13 says, Faith, hope, and love remain.” Many people have faith in their relationship because of the belief in themselves and belief in their partners to come around. We then further validate this by having hope. Hope is described in the Bible and God instructs us to have hope that “does not disappoint” (Romans 5:5) We should therefore have hope that is based off God’s love for us and has been proven through his actions. 

 
 
On the contrary, we have another kind of Hope out there.  Hope that “makes the heart sick” (Proverbs 13:12) This is basically false hope. This sort of hope does not breed life, rather it breeds sorrow, and a sick heart. I once had a friend who was deeply in love with a woman whom he had been dating for a few months. She was everything he wanted in a girl:  gorgeous, smart, knew what she wanted to do in life, and really compatible with his lifestyle. Since we went to an all boys school, he saw her many times after school and on the weekend. One day though, she suddenly ceased taking initiative in hitting him up like she usally did, she stopped responding to texts, and ignored his phone calls. Now initially, he gave her the benefit of the doubt. He began to think, “Hey she’s just busy, she’ll get back to me”. Eventually though, her behavior continued and she went on being ‘nice’, embellishing her emotions so she didn’t have to tell him what she was really thinking. 
 
This situation got so out of hand my friend began always getting on her Twitter to see her Timeline, and when we’d hang out, he’d ask me if he could use my computer just to see if she posted anything. I felt really bad for my friend, he thought she was the one, but the return of emotions just wasn’t there. Eventually, his relationship was ended and she was seeing another guy all along. She just didn’t tell him because she didn’t want to hurt him. Instead though, she hurt him even more by concealing the truth. He kept hope in spite of her not telling the truth, all the while his heart was getting sicker and sicker. He was seeking an antidote through attention and contact wit her and he never got it. With this he just became sicker and sicker, feeling like he needer her more and more to carry on, but she never came back to be the girl he once knew. Eventually, he was able to rehab his heart once they had closure on the relationship. 
 
False Hope Can really be dangerous so we need to investigate how not to have false hope. We should honestly live in the present, not the future or past. The past is the best indicator of what is to come so we have to take advantage of that. We must remember that hope is a virtue and not a vice. If hope becomes a vice, it is literally wishful thinking not grounded on anything proven. When this happens it may be safe to assume something is going on inside your partners head or heart that may be distancing them away from you.  If you see our partner drifting away, do the mature thing and request to converse with them. When you do, just tell them how you have been feeling and see if they agree and are willing to change their behavior. If they say they are willing to change but over time you see their behavior is still not what it once was,  then consider parting ways. As hard as it may be, taking separate ways is easier than being dragged along thinking that they still are interested in you, When in actuality, you are long gone from their heart. 
 
Take care,
Till Next Time
 

Taking care of and obtaining your trophy In the game called Love

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While looking to place yourself at the top of your sport, whether it is high school, collegiate, or professional, the reward for becoming number one is a trophy. As any athlete will tell you, a trophy, individually acquired or with a team is not only won during the final competition. A trophy is earned through a life-long dedication. A trophy is earned in the scorching sun during two a days, or in the early mornings to just get extra reps over your competition. To win a trophy it takes sacrifice, perseverance, patience, focus on a goal, all brewed together with the passion to get you through the tough times on the road to victory. During your pursuit for a trophy, many are struck with adversity, whether it is an injury, barely escaping a fierce playoff victory, or not crumbling under pressure. But in the end, when you win the trophy, it means the world to you.

But what is a trophy without work? If someone were to hand you the NBA Finals or Super-bowl trophy for free, could you appreciate it as much as an athlete who went through a tough season and at the end of it, was able to reign supreme over every competitor? Chances are probably not. So what do we learn with this? that a trophy without hard work, is seldom appreciated. A trophy without appreciation turns into just another item you place in your room without meaning. But a trophy with appreciation is a trophy with a story behind it. When you have a trophy with appreciation you have a trophy with a story. That trophy symbolizes courage, faithfulness, discipline, perseverance, and resilience. That trophy means a lot to you because in the pursuit of the trophy, through all the trials and tribulations, you became a better person because you went through that process.

Now what does a trophy have to do with family, sex, and relationships?

Well, I invite you to ask yourself one question. Is staying pure for our future husband or wife easy or hard in today’s society? Is it easy or hard in a day where we are constantly lured to media that promotes the physical aspect of intimacy but always seems to leave out the emotional and spiritual aspect? Personally, I believe its pretty difficult. I think its a battle at every corner luring us to give up something of value. When you place your commitment for purity and honeymoon in the context of a trophy, it is something that you have to fight for. It is something of value that people want to snatch away from you.

Why is this? its because a lot of people have long given their trophies up and most people don’t want to see others win and reach happiness. Just think about it, people who claim celibacy are socially ridiculed and laughed at in todays society. Saving yourself for your husband/wife is not the popular thing to do. But my thing is, isn’t something worth having is worth fighting for.

The bible gives us two classic stories where the enemy does not want to see these people win because he’s already lost.

We see this in the creation story and we see this in the tempting of Jesus in the wilderness.

In the creation story, Adam and Eve are tempted by the serpent to eat from the forbidden tree. The serpent has already been demoted from where he originality was and he wants to mess up the party for Adam & Eve. The crazy part is, his plan worked. And when Adam and Eve gave in to the Serpent, their lives completely changed! Eve went from complete tranquility and peace to having pain during child birth. There were many consequences for handing in their trophy of purity(Purity from sin, they were perfect, sinless)

Jesus was also tempted in the wilderness by the enemy. Just like Adam & Eve, Jesus was perfect, he was completely pure. The enemy came in and wanted Jesus to give into temptation. The enemy knew that Jesus would lose his trophy if he just gave into temporary gratification ( It would be all over if he turned the stone into bread). If Jesus Gave into temptation after 30+ years of a clean record, it would be all for NOTHING. But Jesus resisted, he kept his purity, succeeded in his mission here on earth, and because he fulfilled his purpose, he will be coming back (With his purity intact) to marry his bride(aka us)!

Nowadays, the enemy tries to get what we’ve been fighting so long for through temptation from our peers, family, and media. But I would like for everyone to consider, holding on to it. No matter what has happened in your past, you can have your trophy restored to pristine condition Through Christ Jesus and commence to fight a battle that is well worth it. And think about it, you carry a royal trophy, and you want somebody to truly earn that trophy. Remember if a trophy is simply given away, there is virtually no way it can be appreciated. Consider this, when you don’t appreciate a trophy you are likely to throw it around, mistreat it, and if it is lost, you may not care to much because it has no sentimental value to you. So I encourage you, treat yourself as royalty. Treat your purity as royalty. Remember, Royalty does not associate with paupers or bums, they don’t associate with those who cannot compliment or “Upgrade” them, yet alone give them their most prized possession! So just think about it, if you have been in and out of relationships, heartbreak after heartbreak, and you are on the brink of giving up on love, try just holding on to your trophy. Holding on to your trophy is the best filtering system you possess! it separates those who are for you and those who aren’t. It allows you to separate those who will be there for a lifetime and those who just want to be there one night. So I encourage you to consider placing up a longer barrier in your next relationship. And guaranteed, long term, it will all work out.

Thanks, and till next time!
– Immanuel

Think Like A Man, Cohabiting Relationships, The Culprit that is killing your relationship

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Today more than any time in history, Americans seek speed, efficiency and we always seek to obtain what we want in a more efficient manner over time. This is seen during the timeline of cellphones, computer systems, and electronic payment systems. Today, we live in an information system where we can obtain information, conduct transactions, and communicate from one point of the globe to the other instantly. This sort of convenience and ease has allowed us to be conditioned to have what we want when we want it instead of waiting.
Everyday Interpersonal relationships is not an exclusion to the “get it when you want it” mentality. Especially in relationships, our vehicles of communication sometimes has made ol’ school courting obsolete now that we can text instead of call, Facebook message and Skype instead of write letters. Although technological advances are great, It seems as if the internalization of the social construct of instant gratification (Getting what we want as soon as possible) has led many young relationships, and even marriages to fall into the crevices of co-habiting relationships. Nowadays more and more we see relationships forged through invasion of boundaries, rushed decisions, and nimble intimacy. In this post I hope to illuminate what Co-habiting relationships are and provide one simple tip to evaluate whether or not you are in one.

So what is a cohabiting relationship? The word cohabiting is living with one an partner and assuming the roles as if you were married. A cohabiting relationship is a relationship where the intention is more so aimed to see how one can get what they want out of the relationship, rather than what they can give. People can seek to get many things out of relationships.

Some things include:
Economic Extraction (Money, status, or networking opportunities from their partner)
Physical Extraction ( Does not always include sex, but some sort of sexual activity)
Emotional Security Extraction ( You kind of want someones affection or attention. You want your partner to validate you so you can feel secure and loved.)
Companionship extraction ( You just want someone to be with through this stage of your life. It could be that you just want a companion just for high school, college, etc..)
There may be more but at the time this is all I can think of.

Now many times while in these cohabiting relationships, the person who is in the relationship for extraction purposes will only do as much as they need to do to obtain what they want to obtain. For instance, if a guy just wants to hook-up with a girl, he’ll invest only what he needs to. He will only take her out on a certain quantity and quality of date, spend a certain range of money, and climb up the relationship ladder only as much as he needs to, to get the girl. This point is exemplified triumphantly in the move “Think Like a Man”. In the movie, Megan Good implements the 90 day rule with Zeke, the “Player” in the movie. Zeke is initally use to having a certain game plan for the women he dates, but sees he has to up his game with Megan Good who plays mya. He is in the game for the cookie, but sees that in order to get the cookie, he has to open doors, show her the utmost respect, be patient, and in turn he does more for Mya than he ever has for any other girl. Although Zeke initially was just trying to hook up with Mya, the 90 day rule proved to transforms Zeke’s mind and He went from a guy with cohabiting motives to interdependent motives. He eventually began to see what he can give instead of get.

Now the big question is, how do you know that your in a cohabiting relationship? Well, easy. All you have to do is do what Megan did essentially. The key to recognizing if the person you are dating is there for you or there just for their own selfish reasons is to set up boundaries tailored towards your personal values. For instance, if your not a person who is pretty busy and you need time away from your partner who always demands your time, let them know that although you would like to spend more time with them, you have to do your work to stay on track with your goals. If they do not honor this request, they care more about their present emotional status, than your long term success which can only occur through hard work. If you do not like to go through a certain physical level of intimacy with someone until a level of commitment is made, let your partner know that and if they always try to make you amenable to the idea of pushing through your personal barriers, chances are they are just in it for themselves.

The great thing about this is that the more the person you are dating honors your request, the more they actually care about you, and that’s love. Once you implement barriers in your relationships, I guarantee that you’ll be able to discern easier than you once were. You wont be blinded by surreptitious ingratiating favors done by your date, and you will be well on your way to giving your heart, emotions, and whole self to someone who loves you for you. So, strive to evaluate if your in a cohabiting relationship and if you are, than kick that relationship to the curb. This not only goes for dating relationships, but for friendships and business partnerships as well.

Thanks for reading, be sure to comment.

Till Next time!